The UK has become a brutally sadistic society in which the height of entertainment is the desperate sight of an elderly lady falling over, it was revealed last night.
Millions of British citizens who would have claimed to be kind-hearted were openly mocking the misfortune of someone old enough to be their grandmother who did nothing more than stumble in unfamiliar surroundings.
Madonna, 94, a veteran of two world wars and the sole remaining person alive to have met Napoleon, had a fall at a youngsters’ ball last night, surrounded by a group of dancing people who seemed happy to pretend nothing had happened.
“It is sad, very sad,” despaired Albert Renfrew, Professor of Sociology at the University of Harold. “In a country where we ostensibly care for our old people, we are happy to laugh at Madonna falling on her arse like a sack of hammers.”
“If people in their nineties can’t strip down to their underwear, pretend to be culturally relevant and marry teenagers, then I don’t know what we’re coming to. Mind you, it was fucking hilarious, wasn’t it?”
A spokesperson from the charity Age Concern pointed out that cuts to the Winter Fuel Allowance were probably the reason that Madonna had taken to wearing a cape in the first place, and called on concerned citizens to send her their old blankets.