“This reminds me of a story about Hitler”
Following widespread condemnation of its controversial new advert, Pepsi has bowed to pressure and replaced the ad with one featuring Ken Livingstone.
The cancelled ad featured Kendall Jenner at a protest, and offended many by suggesting that the problem of police brutality could be solved by attractive models waving cans of fizzy drink.
The video has been removed from YouTube and in a statement, the company said: “Pepsi was trying to project a global a message of unity, peace and understanding.”
“Clearly, we missed the mark, and that’s why we’re going to replace it with two minutes of Ken Livingstone talking about Hitler.”
“He’s going to imply that Germany’s Jews and Hitler were on the same side in the 30s, while sipping a refreshing ice-cold Pepsi Max.”
“You can’t get much more unity, peace and understanding than Ken Livingstone, and for payment all he wanted was a WWII German infantry helmet filled with newts.”
[Hold it in, you can do it … no use … too strong … aagh] “HITLER”
Ken Livingstone used the last hours before learning if banging on about Hitler and the Jews would lead to his expulsion from Labour, to bang on about Hitler.
Offered the chance to talk about Brexit, Arsene Wenger’s future at Arsenal, and the Cadburygate scandal, the loveable newt-botherer elected to keep on digging his way downwards, out of the hole in which he’d found himself. Continue reading
Ken and newt, in happier days
Ken Livingstone has pissed off so many people that now even newts have taken to ignoring him in public, it was revealed today.
Like the sad old uncle who drinks too much sherry at Christmas and believes everyone is interested in his incontinent ramblings, Livingstone seems to have convinced himself that because he has read some pages in Wikipedia, everyone will eventually slap their thighs and tell him how clever he is.
In fact, the entire world is shuffling its feet in embarrassment, wondering if it really isn’t time to start considering some kind of home for the old fellow.
“I used to be right behind Ken,” admitted ‘Barry’, a ringtailed leaping newt from Putney. “But lately, me and the rest of the guys in the pond just think he’s being a bit weird.”
“If you were to ask my honest opinion, I’d say he’s pissed. And I should know.”
“I’m a newt.”
Filed under Media, News, War
Ken says ‘He started it.’
Ken Livingstone, chair of Labour’s defence review, says not apologising to Kevan Jones for a mental health slur “until he apologises to me”, is an exemplar of Labour’s new direction on defence policy.
“My whole life models how the country should be run.” explained the former London Mayor and enthusiastic tax-payer.
“Rather like Jesus, Continue reading
Filed under News, Politics