Local scientist Dr Rachel Goody has confirmed that treating the contents of your fridge like a level of Pac-Man is the best way to begin a diet. Continue reading
Tag Archives: junk food
Public health charities are up in arms following Domino’s launch of the ‘pizza smoothie’.
The drink, which consists of three slices of pizza blended with ice-cream and a banana, is being touted as a ‘healthy breakfast’ by the firm, despite containing more than 5,000 calories.
The smoothie is the latest escalation in pizza technology. Dr Oswald Gruber, chief cheese dynamicist for Pizza Hut, started the process when he invented a high pressure cheese lance, capable of forcing super-heated Monterey Jack into any crevice. The ‘cheese-stuffed crust’ was born, closely followed by the Rennie topping.
There were mixed reactions in Harold yesterday as its nearest A&E unit at Dunstable Royal Infirmary announced that they have banned junk food. All the vending machines have been emptied and unplugged and the coffee shop has been replaced with a concession of Harold café Veggie! Veggie! Veggie!
“We are delighted to be looking after the needs of poor, dear Haroldites who’ve had a mishap,” trilled owner Pippa Delaney. “Now instead of thoughtlessly gorging themselves on sweet tea and crisps as they wait for treatment they can enjoy pickled mustard greens, soy puffs and lovely avocado sushi all washed down with a range of sugar-free fruit cordials.” Continue reading