Just a dream for most young people
Soaring prices now make it practically impossible for young people to get on the cinema popcorn ladder, say economists.
A Dunstable University study says cinema popcorn is now so expensive, the only young people who can afford a tub are those whose parents help with the deposit, or those who live near unfashionable rundown cinemas.
“It is a ticking time bomb – young people know baby boomers owned their first tub of cinema popcorn in their late teens. They see the older generation having 3 or 4 tubs of popcorn each time they go the movies, when all they can hope for is crumbs. They see the super-sized drinks, the ostentatious purchase of chocolate buttons” said Professor Brian Rodgers.
‘If it was cruel, they wouldn’t let people use caravans.’
London media executives who spend their weekends in Cornwall are lamenting the decline of the fishing industry, in the pretty villages they’ve all bought holiday homes in.
But now, thanks to advances in large hutch technology, they can maintain a permanent link to the past. A few simple Cornish are being kept as pets, in spare rooms or out the back by the bins.
“They’re easy to look after, they just need some old nets to play with”, said Cornish owner Cordelia Fotheringham. “You chuck them the occasional pastie and spray them with a brine mist. Before you know it, they’re shantying away.”
The floor around the cage is littered with crusts. “They don’t eat that bit, I don’t know why”, said Fotheringham. “Mine keeps shrieking ‘the tin! the tin!’ when I poke one back in. But it didn’t come in a tin: we don’t promote convenience food.”
To be fair it is a jaunty looking bucket
London house prices continued their spiral into madness today when a bucket in Islington sold for £310,000. Described by Renfield estate agents as “a compact and funky urban living space” they urged potential buyers to “snap this bargain property up and live in style in an ultra-modern home with vibrant colour scheme and two handles.”
Within twenty four hours of being on the market the bucket had been viewed a dozen times and been subject to over thirty offers. The buyer, who wishes to remain anonymous, said that they were delighted with their new bucket and especially pleased with its duel-purpose nature which means they can take it to the Devon coast and use it as a second home. Continue reading
Who wouldn’t want to live next door to Biggins? He’s lovely.
The Daily Mail notorious for its homophobic editorials and columnists is set to reverse its stance on gay marriage after realising that it will improve house prices in the UK.
“It’s a well known industry fact,” said Harold estate agent, Gill Gates. “Gay people actively improve neighbourhoods and drive up house prices as more and more people realise that instead of living next-door to Terry and Stacey, their six kids and a rottweiller they can be next to two married guys with an adorable kitten.” Continue reading