The BBC has again been forced to apologise for Top Gear, after it was revealed that Richard Hammond’s personality had been faked.
Hammond, a 4’9″ pile of crudely moulded spam, has been used by the show regularly to make up the number of oafs. But audiences weren’t explicitly told that he was a shaped heap of minced cheap cuts, a situation the BBC admitted was ‘regrettable’.
“When we agreed to Clarkson’s demands for a meat-based dwarf gollum, we didn’t think anyone would take it too seriously”, insisted BBC Apologizer Quentin Sharpes. “It’s pretty obvious it’s just made from hair gel and the eyes of a Slow Loris, topped off with a massively oversized watch.”