Godzilla: not chuffed at the prospect of being close to Butlins
The future of the £18bn Hinkley Point C nuclear power station is uncertain following the revelation that Godzilla is “not really feeling it” about moving to the West Country.
The massive sea monster who was awakened from prehistoric slumber and given destructive power by nuclear radiation has a track record of being first on the scene whenever mankind’s love affair with the atom goes tits up. Continue reading
George inflicted almost as much damage as a 1960s architect.
A rampant future king of England has destroyed 85% of Hitchin, after the town was given to him as a birthday present.
No sooner had George, 12 months, been given the freedom of the city, than he began his destructive first steps through the shopping centre.
“Obviously we’re delighted that the royals took the time to visit”, said Hitchin’s half-crushed mayor, Derek Hopper. “But they could have warned us that their first-born had been gaining weight and height quite so…healthily.”
“Part of me wishes they’d blessed Luton with their presence instead.”
Up from the depths, 30 storeys high: Cuadrilla. Cuadrilla. Cuadrilla!
A sharp increase in the number of attacks by an angry, giant moth is being blamed on fracking by locals.
‘Mothra’, a devine kaiju or ‘strange creature’ that normally protects mankind from monsters such as the tyranosaur-like Cuadrilla, was discovered under a field outside Harold last Thursday. Wrenched from the ground in larvae form during a tentative light frack, Mothra was discarded by Cuadrilla after she proved too hard to set fire to.
“My theory is that this creature had been resting just below my potatoes”, explained farmer Evans. “She was probably all content and that, because the bees have come back. But when Cuadrilla drilled through her hidey-hole, she really got the hump. That’s when she went off on one and started beaming stuff with her face.”