Tag Archives: Geoff Boycott

Amazingly, Geoff Boycott is still not out

“I’d like to say sorry for being found out. Can I bill you for that?”

Former cricketer and legendary arsehole, Geoffrey Boycott is still ‘not out’ at the BBC, despite taking a risky shot at West Indian players.

Boycott’s smouldering resentment surfaced recently when at a Sky Sports event, forgetting some brown people were in the audience, he said he’d stand more chance of being knighted if he blacked his face.

A Buckingham Palace spokesman acknowledged “I suppose that might work – if it somehow stops him being an arsehole, Continue reading

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Ashes tour was ‘great triumph, not shambles’ proclaims Michael Gove

Michael Gove school visit

Safe pair of hands at first slip

Fresh from his announcement that World War One was actually a masterpiece of military planning, Education Secretary Michael Gove has now claimed that the Ashes tour was a ‘triumph’ for the England team.

“Left-wing defeatist commentators are trying to spread the myth that the Ashes tour was some sort of shambles, with under-prepared men sent to certain disaster by an out-of-touch elite,” he snarled this morning. “But let me tell you that good historians, such as myself, see the hostilities as necessary, and a price worth paying to show the Australians very clearly who’s the boss.” Continue reading

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England retain Ashes 6-0 after successful Wikipedia edit

Pietersen surprised all by writing an entire paragraph

Pietersen surprised all by writing an entire paragraph

The England cricket team have come back from the brink and recorded a 6-0 Ashes victory thanks to a superb team effort in editing Wikipedia. Captain Alistair Cook said the emphatic victory should silence all the knockers who thought the team couldn’t tie their own shoelaces, let alone competently operate a laptop computer.

England coach Andy Flower said he was proud of the boys, especially Kevin Pietersen who hadn’t previously written anything longer than a tweet. And the backroom staff also played their part with Geoff Boycott’s Nan encouraging the team to concentrate on ‘lines and length’ when editing the Ashes 2013-14 Wikipedia entry.
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