England retain Ashes 6-0 after successful Wikipedia edit

The England cricket team have come back from the brink and recorded a 6-0 Ashes victory thanks to a superb team effort in editing Wikipedia. Captain Alistair Cook said the emphatic victory should silence all the knockers who thought the team couldn’t tie their own shoelaces, let alone competently operate a laptop computer.

England coach Andy Flower said he was proud of the boys, especially Kevin Pietersen who hadn’t previously written anything longer than a tweet. And the backroom staff also played their part with Geoff Boycott’s Nan encouraging the team to concentrate on ‘lines and length’ when editing the Ashes 2013-14 Wikipedia entry.

Self-proclaimed man of the series, Kevin Pietersen, agreed that his paragraph 6 in the Wikipedia entry was perhaps the greatest moment of his already great career.

“People call me arrogant but look at how I’ve phrased the last sentence ‘Pieterson’s 2000 runs in the series at an average of 400 cements his place as probably the greatest batsmen of all time.’ See how I modestly just put ‘probably’ acknowledging that on a good day Bradman or Tendulkar may have been my equal.”

Monty Panesar also provided some high class paragraphs after making the starting 11 when Graeme Swann retired midway through the tour after recurring problems in getting Windows 7 to work on his laptop. Panesar’s reference to his bowling being the difference between the teams because of its fantastic flight and artful guile had Wikipedia readers in raptures, with all agreeing that Panesar is truly a master of spin.

The Australian team cried foul over the result saying that the Ashes should be decided on the field and not on the internet, which Andy Flower said was just a case of sour grapes.

“The Aussies bragged on Twitter that they won the series 5-0, but Twitter is just the 20-20 of the internet which no one takes seriously – you only have to look at the nonsense David Warner and Shane Warne write. Our players put their heads down and put the hard yards in on Wikipedia, and literally rewrote history.”

Geoffrey Boycott said the Ashes win was a great triumph and showed how the game should be played, before ringing his Nan to help him edit his own Wikipedia entry to double his batting average and strike rate and remove references to ‘that woman.’