Tag Archives: cycling

Armchair exerciser demands lightweight bike for heavy exercise

If only McKean had the right light equipment

For some reason, an overweight man with plans to cycle his way to fitness is only able to do so on the lightest bike around.

“On an old steel-framed one, forty miles of a Sunday morning would take ages” wheezed William McKean, after his partner noticed he’d been googling ‘Titanium frames for under £1000?’ from the sofa.

Harold’s fattest man, McKean is best known locally as the star of the TV documentary Help! My Liver is the size of a Dog. Continue reading

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Doubts cast on villager’s Facebook bike ride

pantsonfire

Liar liar, or flyer, flyer? Either way, Billy’s pants would be on fire.

A 26-stone villager who claimed to have completed a 185 mile bike ride on Facebook has been accused of ‘peddling a lie’.

William ‘Billy’ McKean, 42, posted a map of his route, with stats showing a completion time of 3 hours, during which he burned an astonishing 27,950 calories.

“Normally, I believe everything I read on Facebook”, said Pippa Delaney. “But then it occurred to me that Billy works up a sweat just taking his trolley back in Tesco’s car park. And also, he doesn’t own a bike.”
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Road safety group urges commuters to ‘cycle to work inside a bus’

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Cycling inside a bus ‘even safer than stabilisers’

In response to a shocking rise in accidents involving bicycles, a road safety group is urging commuters to do their cycling ‘inside a bus’.

“Cycling is undoubtedly the best way to get to work”, claimed Polly Harvey of campaign group ‘Two Wheels Good’. “There’s no other way of arriving all sweaty and self-righteous, and with your genitalia accentuated in lycra.”

Harvey insists that with a few simple modifications cyclists will not only be able to clutter up bus lanes, but also buses. “With a bit of effort, a half-decent bike can be lugged up to the top deck. Once there you can pedal up and down the aisle, making commuting safer for nearly everyone.”
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