Grateful but confused Syrians say national flags painted on bombs would make it easier to work out which liberating power to thank.
“We just can’t keep up with all the different countries that are sharing their bombs with us. It’s like when you don’t save the little cards on present wrapping-paper” said multiple bomb recipient Hamza Ali.
“A flag painted on the bomb would make it so much easier. Perhaps even design them so they whistle your national anthem as they help clear away our superfluous hospitals and schools.”
Too close for comfort
Following the terrorist knife attack in Leytonstone, Prime Minister David Cameron has vowed to increase the number of Syrian bombing raids “until East London is safe again”.
Police were called to reports of people being attacked at Leytonstone around 19:00 on Saturday. The knifeman reportedly shouted “this is for Syria”. The police have not yet been able to work out what might have motivated the violence.
In a statement to the press, the Prime Minister explained: “This is exactly why we need to bomb Syria more often. What hope is there of stopping these terrible incidents at home unless we flatten a country far, far away?”
“By killing innocent civilians in our futile show of strength, we will doubtless cause these extremists in Britain to give up their fight.”
“We’ll probably gain lots of friends everywhere, too.”
Free at last.
Grateful Syrians have spoken of their relief that so many friendly bombs are now blasting them towards peace.
“A few weeks ago, Assad was bombing us from the air and ISIL was shooting us on the ground”, said local resident Haja Zanubiya.
“But now it is the Russians and Americans bombing us, and the Iranians cutting us down with their bullets. It’s such a blessed relief, I’m not sure who to thank first.”
Zanubiya described how her husband, two of her children and most of the local neighbourhood were liberated yesterday by a laser-guided missile that freed a school and most of the nearby bakery.
Tony Blair helping some children, yesterday.
A children’s charity that presented Tony Blair with a Legacy Award has blamed the mistake on associations with a group advocating childhood bombing.
“Save The Children” is traditionally linked with preserving and improving the lives of children, a move clearly at odds with the achievements of the former Prime Minister.
“Sadly, we have somehow become entangled with the organisation “Bomb The Children”, admitted spokesman Eric Blunkett. “A charity that works tirelessly to drop heavy ordnance on towns and villages where young people live.”
“We’re not sure how this mistake happened, but on reflection we’ve agreed that bombing children is a mistake. Our latest research suggests it’s almost entirely detrimental.”