Isn’t it time bees had a new song? Arthur Askey’s been dead a long, long time
Bees have finally spoken out over humans’ insistence that the middle part of their legs are in any way special.
“Don’t get me wrong, I like my knees,” Nectary Bob, spokesbee for Harold’s biggest colony told us. “But they’re not remarkable. Did you know that 90% of crops are only here because of bees? That’s remarkable. Our knees are very much Midge Ure to our mad skillz with pollination’s Bob Geldolf.” Continue reading
Have you seen this bee?
Harold bee-fancier Chloe Ackroyd is considering suing her employers after they gave her a formal disciplinary warning yesterday. Ackroyd agrees that once again she’d arrived late for work on Saturday but says her boss refused to accept her genuine explanation as valid.
“I’d popped into Dunstable Station to buy a skinny cappuccino and there was a rather tired bee on the platform,” she explained “I couldn’t leave it to be crushed so scooped it up in my cup.” Continue reading
A bait child practices being attractive to wasps
With just two days to go until the Annual Harold Wasp Festival, organizers are dusting off their tennis racquets and polishing their jam traps.
And thanks to a winter breeding programme in the loft of the local pub, their are hopes that this year could break the 1976 record.
“Back then, we took our seasonal wasp genocide for granted”, explained legendary ‘wasp whisperer’ John Horse. “We downed more than 1,200 of the little buggers before Saturday lunchtime. Barely a bee was bruised but the jaspers were littering the streets. I’ve still got my commemorative rolled-up programme.”