And cue human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together… mass hysteria
Local priest, Rev Tansy Forster, has warned villagers that today’s solar eclipse is a sign that God just can’t be having with straight marriage.
“It’s abhorrent,” Rev Forster told us. “Look at the world: think of the stress and the debt fuelled by heterosexual couplings. And, worse, think of all the terrible pop songs. Today’s eclipse and the fact that it coincides with the Super Moon and Spring Equinox is a clear sign from the Almighty that these are the end times.” Continue reading
Where’s the rest of the month? Oh…
As the date of the latest apocalyptic prediction draws closer, with the Viking apocalypse Ragnorak set to occur on February 22nd, the leader of a secret society dedicated to the protection of mankind has bemoaned their continuing lack of recognition.
“People noticed that Gary Barlow and David Beckham were not knighted in the 2014 New Year Honours List, but nobody batted an eyelid at the fact that all of our members were overlooked once again, despite having prevented the end of the world numerous times.” complained a man who insisted on being referred to as ‘Grand Master’. Continue reading