Tory ministers past and present are sadder than Hodor’s death following the publication of a report that shows an association between austerity and 120,000 people upping stumps and retiring to the pavilion.
“It’s. Not. Enough,” wailed George Osborne. “There’s still some plebs left. I tried, Nanny, I really tried. I did. I did.”
Meanwhile Theresa May said that her government’s policies will ensure people continue to prematurely run down the curtain and join the bleedin’ choir invisible due to a lack of health and social care.
“Over-emotional snowflakes claim that acknowledging that some people will always need help while fully funding an NHS that we stop stealth privatising is the humane thing to do,” she said. “But where’s the value in that compared to pleasing the Daily Mail?”