Brexit deadline: David Davis ‘actively considering’ working second day a week

I’ve conceded hobnobs but expect tariff-free trade at least

With Brexit talks at a critical stage, David Davis is even thinking about putting in an extra shift each week until next month.

“I’m willing to do the job I’m paid to do, on anything up to two days a week, but only for the short term.”

“I won’t say exactly how long for, as I don’t want to reveal my hand.” said a toga-wearing Davis, speaking from a chaise longue in his London office, whilst being fed peeled grapes by a group of attractive interns. “Let’s just say I hope to be home for Christmas. And the New Year. And the days in between. I can’t give any more detail – even saying that much has left me a little weary and anyway, it’s time for my nap.”

Speaking later to the BBC, Davis said he’d offered “some creative compromises and not always got them back”, citing his willingness to be served Danish pastries rather than hobnobs at morning coffee breaks, on alternate weeks.

In exchange for generous hobnob concessions Davis has quite reasonably asked for tariff free trade, withdrawal of  Spanish claims on Gibraltar, and a pan-European droite du seigneur for all past, present, and future Secretaries of State for Exiting the European Union.

Ignoring the obvious irony, Davis insisted “nothing comes for nothing”.

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