“As the polls tighten, we’ve raised our schadenfreude alert to ‘critical'” said a Westminster source. “The smiles getting wiped off the faces of Theresa May, Boris Johnson, and the rest of the Tories will be a serious test of our schadenfreude reserves, as will joy in the implosion of the Daily Mail.”
“But it’s the sheer unadulterated pleasure of seeing Tony Blair’s sad face as Jeremy Corbyn becomes PM that means we won’t just run out of schadenfreude, we’ll likely run out of schadenorgasm as well.”
While Germany is sympathetic to the looming schadenfreude shortage, they say they can’t send any supplies to the UK as they will need all their schadenfreude for domestic consumption should the Tories lose.
“The British will just have to make do with some homegrown ‘joyinthemisfortuneofothers'” said a German spokesman.
For their part the Tories defiantly say there is no schadenfreude issue as they plan on winning the election. But a Tory spokesman said if that’s wrong and they do lose, they will be too busy providing “strong and stable backstabbing of each other in opposition” to worry about schadenfreude.