Having taken back control from the EU, the UK will today give it all to the United States when Theresa May meets Donald Trump to complete Britain’s decades long march up the United States’ bottom.
“We seek a special deal,” the Prime Minister said. “And it will be for the US as we become their fifty-first state and vow to be front and centre for any conflicts they initiate.” Pausing only to look Israel and the Philippines up in an atlas and put a tick next to them she went on to say. “The United States will be getting the sixth largest economy in the world, the fifth strongest military, Dartmoor ponies, Marmite and Harry Potter.”
On being asked what benefit there was to Britain in sucking up to a bright orange demagogue who is as representative of his people as Citizen Khan is of an amusing sitcom she looked blank for a moment before saying that hopefully we can sell the Americans a little bit more cheese.
On Saturday Mrs May will return to the UK to give a triumphant speech about the piece of paper in her hand.