Despite being the embodiment of no sane person’s values and an enemy of tolerance and reason the Daily Mail remains massively popular with everyone who claims to hate it.
“It’s a disgusting rag,” said local estate agent Gill Gates. “It hates women and relentlessly promotes division. I believe it represents the very worst aspects of our society. How often do I read it? Oh all the time. It’s on my bookmarks bar and I like to keep up with it so I can have lots of stuff to be outraged at throughout the day.”
“I read the Mail a lot,” Captain Nick Stalling of Harold’s Bravo Company, Royal Dunstable Regiment Rifle Platoon told us. “But I do so ironically not like all the other sheep who are reading it for real. It’s abhorrent and as a serving member of the British Armed Forces I utterly reject its frequent use of the military as if our values and ethos are shared. Stop reading it? I don’t want to. It’s so nasty it’s funny and the women on the sidebar of shame are essence.”
We approached tax-evading multimillionaire Jonathan Harmsworth, the owner of the Daily Mail, for a response however he couldn’t speak for laughing.
At all of us.