The United States now has fear as its biggest export as it has given everyone else the both the heebies and the jeebies by voting Donald Trump a clear run to the presidency.
“A lot of people thought we couldn’t vote in anyone more alarming than George W. Bush,” said Corey Lewandowski, the manager of Trump’s presidential campaign. “We gave the free world eight years of its self-proclaimed leader being a half psycho-Christian/half marmoset who just plain ol’ loved giving the order for shit to be blown up. That was scary. Now, with The Donald, we bring you terrifying.”
With the Republican presidential nomination all sewn up, Trump must now wait until November’s election to see if he’ll be given the keys to the White House and the freedom to start building a bloody great wall.
“My man Donald will hit it out the park!” said Lewandowski. “Americans are crazy enough to vote Trump but I guarantee you they’re not crazy enough to vote for a woman. That’s as outrageous as saying they’d happily vote for a black guy or a dude in a wheelchair. Oh.”