In a move hardly likely to leave Jihadist terrorist squads quaking in their suicide belts, David Cameron has put the tortoise-like Sir John Chilcot in charge of the rollout of the so called rapid deployment brigades which would be equipped to react immediately to Parisian style attacks.
Although Chilcot, whose report into the ill-fated Gallipoli campaign is keenly expected any day, was believed to be comatose, his press spokesman said that Sir John would be delighted at the news and would get things underway ‘as soon as possible’, but certainly within five years once he had been able to have a nice chat with Tony Blair.
Speaking at a press conference yesterday, the Prime Minister said, “Britain is facing an imminent threat so it’s important that we give to co-ordination role to someone who has a proven track record in Middle East affairs and is able to work to deadlines. “
Suggestions that Mr Cameron may have had his arm twisted by Treasury Department stormtroopers behind the scenes were dismissed by the red faced leader, although some observers believe they saw his fingers crossed at one point during his hasty denial.
Later, a Whitehall insider provided a clearer insight. “Its quite simple. There is no money available to fund battalions of commandos, so by appointing Chilcot they can be sure nothing will actually happen. With any luck the whole thing will have blown over by 2025, and anyway Cameron and Hunt will be history by then.”
“To give the impression that something is happening, they’ll give some clapped out army Land Rovers a respray, recommission that Vulcan bomber and if anything goes wrong, say it’s all because Jeremy Corbyn wouldn’t sing the National Anthem.”