Sun poll finds 20% of UK are Satan


That Sun poll in full

A controversial opinion poll conducted by a bunch of wankers on behalf of the Sun ‘newspaper’ has found that one in five people in the UK are Satan.

The Sun originally asked reputed pollsters YouGov to conduct the survey, but were refused on the grounds that it was ‘bollocks’, it emerged today.

A new polling company, “Survation”, decided to embrace the novel corporate strategy of being immediately detested, and conducted the survey with slightly less rigour than the real polling companies might do.

Their survey apparently comprised a single question: “Are you Satan? Yes, or Not no.”

Even though this wasn’t entirely fair, the majority of those questioned still managed to convey the opinion that the Sun’s survey company should shove it up their arse, with a scant 20% responding “Whatever, just get off my phone line.”

Following this great leap forward in democracy, the Sun is expected to have a massive response to future surveys, at least if the questions turn out to be anything on the lines of: “Do you think an evil Australian fascist prune called Murdoch should have any fucking say at all in anything to do with the UK (the twat)?”


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