With bookings now being taken to bring 55,000 tonnes of iPhones, smart watches and other electronic crap back from China, just 1,200 ethical adventurers are needed to get it here by Christmas.
“Unfortunately that’s not Christmas this year, and most of this tat will be out of date by 2018”, explained green-tour organizer Damien Howitzer.
“But between them, they will have saved enough fuel to pop the whole lot in the landfill, and still have enough carbon credits left to fly the family to Florida. Well, those that survive, obviously.”
Howitzer is giving priority bookings to the morbidly obese, who should have enough potential energy stored to make it all the way to the Suez Canal.
“It will save the NHS a fortune”, he thinks, “although they’ll probably need new elbows. But whipping the fat ones makes a really pleasing noise.”
Howitzer thinks ‘extreme greening’ has a definite future, and has plenty more ideas in the bank.
“If you want to row some food rations to Africa, you’ll be killing two birds with one stone”, said the entrepreneur. “You’ll be so pleased with yourself, you could shoot a rhino in the face without a pang of guilt.”