A surprising source for the fire currently raging under central London has been revealed – God.
“In the BBC I am not well pleased,” the Supreme Being told us. “For, lo, I did most heartily love chilling out on Sunday nights and watching Jezza, Hamster and Captain Slow. Not a Holy Trinity but a wholly amusing one.”
God has warned the BBC that if Top Gear doesn’t rise again on Easter Sunday that the fire is just the start and it won’t be only London that gets smited.
“I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you. So broadcast the three shelved episodes and let the Top Gear tour carry on with the BBC branding,” said God.
We asked God why it had taken him so long to react to Clarkson’s sacking and the end of Top Gear as we know it.
“This isn’t a long time,” God replied. “Look at the state of the world today and tell me how fast you think religions are to adapt.”