Punishment for sins we all committed in a past life and alleged source of news, the Daily Mail, has admitted that Isis gets them a little bit sweaty.
“It’s the way they keep doing entirely unspeakable things to people and filming it that I find so fascinating,” said editor, Paul Dacre. “We then publish images from those films, with the worst details ever-so-slightly blurred, and harrumph about how evil it is. Then we do it again and again and again. Simples.”
However Dacre was quick to refute the allegation that the Mail is obsessed with violence and gore and is using these images to scare the shit out of everyone for no good reason.
“It’s news,” he said. “Really, really easy to produce news. We can’t always do hard-hitting current affairs as sadly Harper Beckham and North West don’t attend fashion shows every day.”