Joy as scientists reinvent the penis


Would anyone else be happier to find a kitten in there?

Local scientists Dr John Goody and Dr Rachel Guest are being hailed as heroes today having successfully reinvented the jumble giblets so they’re now much more pleasing.

“It’s not just the penis,” Dr Guest explained. “Although that took the most time, using DNA manipulation we’ve reinvented the whole collection of objects so they now have greatly improved functionality and a far more pleasing design. No longer will male genitalia look like something you’d hit with your spade or cover up with your bucket out of fear if you found them while rock-pooling at the beach.”

She also explained that a crucial part of the reinvention was to sever the connection between a man’s penis and his common sense ending that destructive relationship once and for all.

“We’re not sure what the end result of this will be,” Dr Guest said. “But our calculations estimate that it will lead to world peace in about two-to-four months. Especially when combined with our new atheism vaccine.”


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