Dog couldn’t be bothered visiting hospitalised owner

Not a good boy

Not a good boy

Local dog Ben may be stripped of his ‘man’s best friend’ status after it emerged that he didn’t visit his owner once during a month-long hospital stay.

Councillor Ron Ronnson was at Dunstable Infirmary for longer than expected due to complications following a routine hip operation, and Ben’s absence was particularly glaring as Ronnson had multiple visits from wife Julie, his teenage children, and cat Tiggy. Ronnson’s children even waited for over 30 minutes each visit before asking for money.

Dunstable Infirmary is less than 2 miles as the crow flies from the Ronnson house, and the terrain is mostly flat, so it would have been straightforward for Ben to make it to the hospital before morning visiting finished at 1pm. Even if Ben had taken his time, and sniffed a few bottoms on the way, he could easily have made it to Ronnson’s bedside in the 3pm to 8pm visiting slot.

Hospital staff said the first 3 days of Ronnson’s stay coincided with fierce snow storms, and the snow was 4 feet deep in places. “We knew Ron had a dog, and we told security to look out for a brave and bedraggled Ben battling through the snow and gales to come to his owner’s bedside. But apparently Ben just stayed in his basket and licked his balls” said Infirmary receptionist Wendy Evans.

The next 27 days were brilliantly fine, and at various stages it looked like Ronnson wouldn’t pull through as septicemia set in, but still Ben was ‘otherwise engaged’ eating dog roll and silently farting when he wasn’t licking his balls.

There was brief hope 20 days in when Ben bounded out the door and jumped on the number 57 bus that stops right outside the hospital. But rather than get off at that stop, Ben continued onto the park and hopped off there. After an enjoyable hour chasing small children, crapping in a flowerbed, and humping a tramp’s leg, Ben returned home again without stopping at the hospital.

The nationwide search to find out ‘who’s a good boy?’ goes on. On current evidence it is unlikely to be Ben.

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