Kick the vaping habit today with ‘cigarettes’!

Veteran John Horse samples the Royal lager collection.

Cigarettes are perfect with strong lager.

All of the nicotine and none of the water vapour! Also with added carcinogens and tar. With as few as ten cigarettes a day, you could be free from your e-cigarette in under a week! from as little as £5 per day!

  • Cigarettes conveniently burn down to your knuckles, to let you know when you’ve had enough.
  • Available in one handy flavour, that also masks the ones in your food!
  • Tired of forever charging batteries? Thanks to their unique construction, cigarettes don’t need a power source. Other than a highly combustible fluid that you carry in a fragile plastic case in your pocket.
  • Friends boring you in the pub? Pop outside with an ‘excuse stick’, and chat with complete strangers!
  • Do you worry you’re not coughing enough? Clothes stink of fabric conditioner? Life insurance too affordable?
  • With our ‘being a bit on fire’ feature, cigarettes light up just like a real LED. Convince others that you’re actually smoking!
  • Gives a healthy yellow glow to your fingers and teeth!

Why not start today? With just a little bit of effort, you’ll soon be smoking like an old pro!*


*’Old’ in this context is anything over 56.

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