The postponing of an irrelevant report about notorious murderer Tony Blair has delayed his hanging until May.
With the rope already ordered and a gibbet in Westminster booked for the bank holiday, the act of justice will take place shortly after the general election.
“The Chilcot Enquiry was set up to see just how guilty this psychotic warmonger is”, said a spokesman for the Home Office.
“But so far, the author hasn’t found the words. ‘Very’ doesn’t cut it all, and neither does ‘really, really properly’. Hopefully by April, he’ll have come up with something along the lines of ‘as f**k’.”
It’s expected that certain information will be redacted from the report, such as Tony Blair’s name, some key dates and all the facts.
“But it doesn’t really matter, does it?”, said the spokesman. “Because we can remember his constantly shifting lies, the images of Iraq burning and the Union flag-draped coffins returning to England.”
“The only uncertainty now is which of the politicians that supported his actions at the time will be the PM that kicks the stool away. It’s going to be close, but we’re all looking forward to a hanging parliament.”