George Osborne has sent his autumn statement spending plans to the possibly ironically named Office for Budget Responsibility setting the course for the smallest public service spending since the 1930s.
“It’s going back in time but really, really rubbish,” said villager Ange Harris. “Time travel looks great on Doctor Who, even the episodes where they’re obviously trying to save cash and film it in a Welsh cupboard.”
“But now George Osborne’s making it happen it’s less a thrilling adventure through space and time and more as bleak as The Missing with the amazing twist at the end being everyone’s got TB and World War Two is about to start.”
“How much further back does he want to go?” owner of Harold’s North Korean restaurant The 38th Parallel, Dave Zhou wanted to know. “Any further back and there’ll be no social mobility and people having to live without heat or, in extreme cases, food.”
“I think the proper 1930s had to have been better than today. I know it was tough and everything but at least they didn’t also have to put up with Russell Brand.”