Thousands of citizens have enjoyed a weekend of government-approved anarchy, claimed Britain’s propaganda machine, the BBC.
Rebellious festival-goers paid £215 each to make a stand against the Status Quo, one of the few geriatric groups not performing this year.
“I love the chance to express my individualism by phoning up and buying a ticket when the media tells me to”, said a defiant-looking Nigel Farquar-Smitherington.
“Then it’s just a case of queuing patiently for a wristband and pitching my tent in a designated area, after implicitly agreeing to the terms and conditions, health and safety guidelines and noting the location of the recycling points.”
Farquar-Smitherington told us he really enjoyed the chance to agitate politely to acts such as Paolo Nutini, Dolly Parton and Sophie Ellis-Bextor.
“It was mad! Some of the crowd were going completely bonkers, I even saw one headcase holding a pirate flag!”, exclaimed the middle-aged rebel. “That was the point when I felt I had to speak to a security guard: a bit of fun is one thing, but he was slightly obstructing my daughter’s view of the stage.”
Armchair politicos at home were able to protest by simply pressing the red button. Licensed revolutionary Mark Radcliffe described Newton Faulkner’s acoustic set as ‘an absolute riot’, “but not in that way: the BBC isn’t going to advocate any of that sort of silliness”, said Radcliffe.
The fallout from the display of mass-conformity is being felt right across the country. “I heard someone mention it in Waitrose, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing”, said Harold resident Dave Evans. “They reckoned Michael Eavis was going to have all his dairy cows gold-plated.”