“He is pretty much ready to go,” a spokesperson for the show said. “He’s right-wing, called Jeremy, and already has a sizeable amount of people that dislike him.
“He doesn’t have a great working knowledge of cars at the moment but we can teach him to speak in a way that makes it looks like he does, as well as how to be casually racist on cue.
“We will be asking him to ditch the suit, though. Any hint of dress sense will see him accused of being homosexual by our audience, and his fellow presenters.”
It is unclear exactly when Paxman will take over the anchor role on Top Gear, but they hoping he will be ready for when Jeremy Clarkson next offends someone, or a whole country, or a complete race.
This is likely to be within the next few hours.