As the country heads to the polling stations the Tories have caused a last minute sensation with a new campaign slogan.
“The gloves are off,” said the Secretary of State for Europe David Lidington at an early morning press conference. “With the admittedly forthright language of our new slogan we are trying to wake people up. We’re saying engage with the process, get out and vote today or there will be an influx of fruitcakes and swivel-eyed loons in every decent, hard-working British community.”
“As I look ahead, I am filled with foreboding; like the Roman, I seem to see the River Tiber foaming with much bullshit,” Lidington solemnly intoned. “We mustn’t sleep-walk into a situation where our children can no longer play in the streets without being exposed to a sexist, homophobic ‘witticism’ from a golf club bore.”
Meanwhile there’s more trouble for Labour as their election day slogan has led to confusion and outrage across social media. Labour insiders are now admitting that perhaps the slogan “Our top priority was, is and always be racism, racism, racism” should have been made less ambiguous before it went public.