However, the full horror of global warming has come closer to home after scientists confirmed that the weekend’s early clogging of Britain’s road network by caravans was ‘almost certainly due’ to the effects of global warming.
The unwelcome early appearance of the dreaded caravans has raised fears that our collective actions are ruining historic infrastructures and areas of scientific special interest such as the M1 and the elevated section of the M4 for future generations.
“I used to be a sceptic but you can’t ignore the signs forever; especially if you’re stuck behind one of the oscillating bastards for 18 miles of the A34,” said enraged motorist Carly Jeffery. “If this is what climate change is causing then I’m definitely going to start green binning my milk bottles. Anything to stop those sheds on wheels!”
Leading biologist, Simon Parsons explained how the life cycle of the caravan had been impacted by the change.
“In winter, caravans used to migrate to the warmth of southern Europe or hibernate from late September until Easter,” he said, “but this year, encouraged by the early warmth, we have seen our most common species, the Frequently Spotted Crawling Caravan or Caravanis Bastardis, emerging from its muddy hibernation well over a month before Good Friday. This can be only attributable to climate change.”
Unchecked, it seems that the early trend is set to continue. “Within the next decade,” Parsons predicts, “we can expect to see caravans snarling up Britain’s roads by Christmas.
“Applying the same logic,” he concluded, “within a generation, I can foresee the doomsday scenario when caravans will emerge from hibernation before they hibernate, and are with us 24/7/52. After that there will be no hope for mankind.”