Amazing but true! Here is a round up of the latest flood news:
Hosepipe Ban Despite floods covering vast swathes of the West Country and now, the Thames Valley, it has emerged that a hosepipe ban is still in force in some areas. In confirming the news, a spokesperson for South West Water from the Isle of Taunton, said “We usually gauge the need for maintaining a ban by checking the reservoirs; however, the reservoirs have mysteriously disappeared so we have to remain cautious, otherwise everyone will be whingeing about a drought by Easter. We don’t know what happened to the reservoirs but we suspect looting.”
Hollywood Despite the misery there is some cheer for beleaguered flood victims with news that several Hollywood producers are considering using the Somerset Levels as a film location. Already interested are James Cameron, who is working on Titanic II and Kevin Costner who appears to have secured funding to start work on a sequel to his epic disaster, or should that be ‘disastrous’, movie Waterword. The only downside is that the Levels will have to remain flooded for another ten months to fit in with filming schedules, something that the Environmental Agency is confident of its ability to deliver.
Romanians Rail links to the West are virtually non-existent, with Cornwall completely cut off. This is an old tactic of the insular Celts, who resisted the introduction of the railway for centuries before its final introduction in the 19th Century. UKIP’s candidate for Truro, Dennis Twaite, welcomed the loss of the rail link by saying “This is God’s way of protecting Cornwall from Romanians.”
Funding The Environmental Agency has admitted that there are sufficient funds to cope with the record flood levels, although Chairman Lord Smith has ruled out spending it on river dredging despite Government pressure. Speaking yesterday he said, “We are fully committed to a relocation programme for misplaced seals, and then remaining funds will go on trying to find these missing reservoirs.”
Noah Floods or no floods, life goes on with many babies being born only after dramatic waterborne journeys to hospital. A registrar has reported that the most popular name for boys is Noah and for girls, Davina.