A campaign has been launched in the village of Harold, to seek EC recognition for their traditional frog sandwich.
But Residents of the nearby village of Drone! – regarded by generations of Haroldites as their rivals and inferiors – insist the snack is a pale imitation of their own signature dish, the marginally bulkier Drone! Toad Panini.
Harold councillor Ron Ronnson dismissed such claims, and called on Drone! to ‘eat up or put up’.
“If anything, Drone! blatantly copied us”, insisted Ronnson. “Those buggers are always trying to cause trouble. They only added the exclamation mark to their name to make the place seem more interesting. But let me tell you: no self-respecting frog would find itself dead being eaten in Drone!.”
Ronnson is not only having to deal with the toad drone from Drone!, but back at home, he’s facing a frog-march. With West Harold and East Harold insisting on slight variations to the recipe, the frog sandwich campaign has opened old wounds.
“The problem is, we can’t agree on the order the sandwich is assembled”, said Ronnson. “Those in the west put the seal flippers in first, while we in the east always put them on top. It might seem a trivial matter to outsiders but the details are important so we’re holding a poll. Just a small one: we’re calling it ‘The tad-poll’.”
Ronnson has condemned the ‘flipper first’ campaigners as ‘pond life’ and put forward the case for the ‘toppers’. “It’s as much an animal welfare matter as anything”, he insisted. “Putting the flipper on top helps keep the frog warm.”
If the campaign is successful and the Harold Frog Sandwich is recognised by Europe, Ronnson hopes to licence the product to Ginsters.
“It might be slimy, foul-tasting and nutritionally bankrupt”, acknowledged the councillor. “But it’s easy to eat with one hand while you’re driving. And we’re planning a parking area at the local garage for Harold Frog Sandwich fans only. All others will be toad.”