Police warning over sinister clowns giving speeches


Something wicked this way comes.

Police are today advising members of the public to ignore men who look like clowns and spout nonsense: a sinister anti-social trend which seems to be growing.

Recently there have been several reports of clowns lurking on the national stage and trying to scare onlookers by babbling about IQ levels, the welfare system and how the NHS is safe in their hands. While no one has been hurt so far there is concern that they could become violent, with rumours that they are constructing huge circus tents in remote locations and herding people under a certain income/standard of health/intelligence level into them for reasons which have yet to be fully understood remaining unconfirmed but persistent. 

Harold police officer PC Flegg is telling villagers not to approach a clown if they see one.

“It isn’t actually illegal to increase inequality and to believe that inherited wealth makes you a high achiever,” she said. “But these clowns are scaring people, especially the elderly and the vulnerable. And to be honest I think most of us shiver when confronted by their braying voices and callous disregard.”

However she also said that it was important to remember that there are only three hundred and three clowns across the nation. Eight of whom are active in Wales while Scotland has just one wandering around in comically over-sized shoes.

“My advice would be to go about your day-to-day lives as normal and try not to worry.” PC Flegg said. “If you see one then don’t react. Don’t give them your applause or your votes – that’s what they’re after. Simply ignore them and hopefully this mess will blow over soon. At the very least we’re anticipating that sometime around May 2015 their numbers will be significantly reduced.”

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