David Cameron today agreed that huge steps would be needed to get people who are not white and middle class into top jobs, and spoke movingly of his great relief that there was no possibility of such steps being taken.
Mr Cameron, who went to Eton then Oxford, was speaking to reporters while riding his personal elephant on a short trip checking the moat around his Chipping Norton country estate.
He told journalists that Britain would not become a society of equals until “no matter where you come from, what god you worship, the colour of your skin, what community you belong to”, people could get to the top in the media, judiciary, armed services and politics.
“Thank heavens we’re not there yet,” he sighed gratefully.
“We are making some progress in those areas, unfortunately” he clarified. “But it is not fast enough and we need to make sure that’s the way it stays.”
While overseeing the re-oiling of his castle’s drawbridge, Cameron was quick to point out that this exclusionary tendency is not confined to the Conservative party: “Look at Labour, they’re just the same. Used to be all about ‘up with the workers’, now look at them. How many people know that Ed Miliband’s real name is Otto von Hindenburg-Fffuchs, and he’s third in line to the throne of Poland? He keeps it quiet.”
“If anything, we Tories are doing more to welcome the disadvantaged than anyone. George Osborne’s only a the son of Baronet, and his father made wallpaper. And poor old Boris is a quarter Irish Terrier.”