The current spate of early morning mists, turning foggy later, followed by torrential downpours across much of Britain is directly proportional to the recent upsurge in the number of people vaping. That was the stark warning today from Harold’s newest resident, ‘observational climatologist’ Mike Anderson.
Mike spends his day ‘hanging round and commenting on the weather’. He is the author of ‘British Weather, An Introduction’ and his latest research centres round a noticeable increase in the number of people vaping, measured against general wetness. ‘It is just a theory at this stage,’ he said, ‘but so was Higgs boson.’
Mike met up with a group of vaping enthusiasts at their designated vaping table in the back corner of the Squirrel Licker’s Arms to discuss the threat to global weather patterns caused by several billion people vaping simultaneously. ‘You’re talking about rain that makes a monsoon look like a garden sprinkler,’ said Mike, ‘like being on holiday in Wales.’
The group were not entirely convinced that Mike had established a proper causal link between vaping and the global climate with any degree of scientific certainty, despite Mike pointing out the condensation running down the window behind their table and citing the increase in sales of portable dehumidifiers on Amazon. ‘As well as inflicting wet weather on others,’ he added, taking another reading on his hygrometer, ‘you’re also doing yourselves harm because you’re just not getting the fresh air and exercise you used to get as smokers.’
Eventually, at half-time in the match they were watching, Eddie the landlord took Mike aside and politely explained to him about the Squirrel’s zero-tolerance policy towards anti-vapism and that if he didn’t shut the fuck up during the second half, he’d be out in the rain, fact.