The farmer whose field has been occupied by anti fracking eco warriors has hit out at way the protesters treated his land.
Although the protesters have been very careful to organise regular recycling collections for refuse, they have refused to use port-a-loos due to the perceived pollution risks from the toilets’ chemical cleaning agents, preferring to use ‘more natural’ disposal methods.
“It all very well that MP wiping her arse with a dock leaf in the interests of communing with nature, but the end product still has to be cleared from the hedge,” said Harold farmer, Lionel Garage. “There’s no EU grant available to shift crap so far as I’m aware. And it takes some clearing, I can tell you. All they seem to eat is lentil curry.”
Some of the protesters have tried to be responsible by collecting their faecal emissions in doggy poop bags but this has failed to impress Farmer Garage. “The trouble is that they decorate the branches with the filled poop bags so it looks like I’ve got a forest of shit Christmas trees.”
“And it sets a very bad example to the animals. Can you imagine what it would be like if the cows started hanging their dung on the trees?”
Farmer Garage remains mystified as to why the protesters descended onto his farm. “I’ve no idea why they all came here. The only oil around here is the oil seed rape and the only planned drilling is the drilling for my winter barley which I might add is being delayed by their presence.”
But Garage has a plan. “If they’re not out of here by end of the weekend, I’m going to turn the slurry tank on them. That will give them a taste of their own medicine. The dirty frackers.”