Britain’s working classes are being encouraged to ‘do their bit for the struggling posh’, especially self-loathing toffs who crave a meaningless life of drudgery and filth.
With poshness now less welcome than leprosy in many UK homes, campaigners fear that the class system is becoming dangerously heavy-bottomed.
“Its rare to see someone in red trousers braying in a public place these days”, explained Margaret Hounslow of the charity ‘Snob It Out’. “They’re hunted ruthlessly for their thick skins, massive teeth and tiny chins.”
Margaret believes that inbreeding has caused the modern toff to be vulnerable to even the laziest of half-considered jibe. But with a little love, a few dropped aitches and a basic knowledge about the X Factor, you could help a posher lead a reasonably normal existence.
just a simple life-time commitment to marry a nob could put them on the road to recovery. “If you do something menial, we’d love to hear from you”, said Margaret. “Especially if you’re from somewhere dull, like the Midlands.”
Sharon Bridge has had her Toff (Olaf) for nearly a year now, and she claims that he’s stopped chasing swans, and can even tackle a Pot Noodle.
“When I come home and see his little, deeply set eyes glinting at me, it reminds me of how far he’s come”, said Sharon. “Sometimes it’s as if he’s almost capable of talking to someone normal without patronising them, but I’m going to have to stop him asking everyone if they’re a chimney sweep or a miner.”