Dave Koko, UKIP’s representative in the village council contest has admitted that a comedy of errors has resulted in his failing to register for this Thursday’s election.
Part time fireman, Koko, 35, who has been a UKIP member for five years, was previously a member of the Monster Raving Loony Party but he was excluded for being too extreme.
Wearing his trademark UKIP outfit complete with red nose and size 19 shoes, Koko blamed his car for his not making the deadline for filing his election papers. ‘My car is always breaking down,’ he sighed. ‘First it stops moving so I get out and open the bonnet. Then water spurts into my face, so I kick the car in retaliation. Then the doors fall off and the tyres go flat. Finally the bumpers crash to the ground and the car gives out a loud fart. It’s getting beyond a joke!’
‘The RAC used to find it hilarious when I called them out, but after the first ten times, they got bored and cancelled my membership. That sort of thing seems to happen a lot to me.’
Although disappointed not to be standing in the election, Koko had a number of innovative ideas for the village. ‘Had I been elected, I would have declared independence for Harold and given everyone a pomegranate to celebrate. After that, I would have set to work on the construction of a moat around the village with real crocodiles and dragons. That would have secured the tourist industry and we could have all retired on the proceeds.’
When not campaigning for UKIP, Mr Koko is a keen gardener and amateur baker. ‘I spend a lot of time in the garden filling my flowers with water,’ he said, ‘and I’m proud to say that my recipe for fruitcake is said to be nearly as good as Nigel Farage’s.’