Concerned villagers in Harold have erected wax and cardboard images of Ed Miliband to try and create a sense that the UK does have an active Opposition.
‘It’s all IDS this, Osborne that, and Cameron everywhere you look,’ complained Julie Kettle as she tried to clean the cardboard-Miliband outside The Squirrel Licker’s Arms. ‘Where’s the Leader of the Opposition? It’s scary. I feel like we’re living in a one party-state and it’s a crap party without any crisps or jelly. So we’re putting Milibands around the village to make it seem like he’s actually doing something and engaging with real people.’
Most villagers asked have not felt any safer since this new initiative began with the majority saying that by trying to establish more of a sense of trust in Ed Miliband and the Opposition they have in fact scared themselves with one of the main problems being recognition.
‘Until yesterday I thought Ed Miliband was the bloke who keeps on wandering about with a banana looking daft,’ Julie Kettle confessed. ‘Apparently that’s the other one.’
‘Politics is about personalities,’ said Edward “Teddy” Taylor as he dragged a wax-Miliband into position on the recreation ground. ‘And this bugger doesn’t have one. The tie-breaker in the pub quiz was “quote Ed Miliband on any topic” and everyone lost. Sad thing is he’s the most memorable politician Labour have got.’
An on-the-street poll by The Evening Harold revealed that in Harold at least the Shadow Cabinet are fantastically unmemorable with the general consensus being that it consists of “Miliband, the fat one, the utterly creepy one and that woman who sits on the sofa next to Michael Portillo”.
Some residents have abandoned the Miliband scheme opting instead to display images of whoever makes them feel safer. Piebald House is currently being watched over by Buffy the Vampire Slayer and President Bartlett while several streets and public areas are now being guarded by various Doctor Whos with David Tennant proving to be far and away the most popular.
The row of small cardboard Biebers that was stationed outside Sally’z Cut’z has at the time of writing not been seen for some hours and is missing presumed destroyed.