Tag Archives: rugby

Schools urged to end Human Cannonball lessons

Sadly missed…

Following a plea from doctors to ban tackling in school rugby on safety grounds, a group of academics has also called on the government to stop children’s human cannonball lessons.

The pastime, which has a near 100% fatality rate, is very popular among some parents and teachers, who say it builds character and is the only way of getting rid of the little bastards.

Rules vary across different parts of the country, but participants are generally loaded into a large cannon and fired at a tiny net some way away. Ofsted have complained that many schools are missing their targets.

Doctors warn that ‘high-impact’ activities like this can cause injuries including fractures, ligamentous tears and dislocated shoulders, although the main cause of death is usually simple ‘flattening’.

Johnny Angry, a PE teacher and father of nine at St Foolhardy’s School for Boys in the village of Harold – where human cannonball is compulsory from the age of 11 – says it provides a challenge.

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Boris Johnson shows small Japanese child who’s boss

BOOOOOOM!!

BOOOOOOM!! Have some of that!

Mayor of London, Boris Johnson, emphasised his credentials to lead the country today by bravely battering a 10 year-old Japanese boy to the ground.

During a visit to Japan Johnson fearlessly agreed to take part in a vicious game known as ‘touch rugby’. During this event he warded off an attempted assault by the child, who may be a member of some sort of street gang, using just his bare hands. Continue reading

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