Tag Archives: Real Madrid

Nobody in Spain paying any tax

Ronaldo gives instructions to his accountants

After announcing that Jose Mourinho and Cristiano Ronaldo are being investigated for tax fraud, embarrassed Spanish officials have admitted that nobody in the country has actually paid any tax since 2010.

“We thought that we were a bit light on cash lately and when we dug into it we discovered that is because we haven’t collected any taxes at all in seven years, so we are now setting about rectifying this.” said a prosecutor, who reckons he hasn’t paid any tax himself since at least 2008 now he comes to think about it.

“It is an easy mistake to make. For example Continue reading

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Spain’s state-funded Gareth Bale ‘drafted’ to patrol Gibraltar border


No man is an island. And neither is Gibraltar (check this)

Top-dollar footballer Gareth Bale has been pressed into service by his Spanish owners – but unusually, he’s now playing in defence!

With Real Madrid relying so heavily on state aid from the Spanish government, it was inevitable Prime Minister Mariano Rajoy would want a slice of the action for his record £85 million deal.

And with no game more important than the political football that is Gibraltar, it was only a matter of time before Bale was working 18 hours a week guarding the border.

Looking spick and Spanish in his fetching new uniform, it’s the first time in a while he hasn’t had his name written on the back of his shirt.

The ‘Welsh Wizard’ has thrown himself into the task with typical zeal, even attempting to read the odd passport from the queue of adoring fans. But the ruse has worked even better than Rajoy could possibly have imagined, after Bale dived when a five-year old called him ‘a meany’.

That led to a stand-off and a rain of coins from the Gibraltans: confused Spanish officials first assumed they were trying to buy him back.

But with the chaos causing a tailback of some 5 and a half hours, Bale struggled to his feet and made his trademark ‘heart’ symbol.

While the player might be able to blame his actions on contractual obligations, his family back home aren’t too happy about his borderline behaviour.

They’ve been queuing for two days now following a shopping trip to Bristol. In a tit-for-tit response to the Spanish Bale-outrage, Cameron has strapped Fernando Torres into the only functioning toll booth on the westbound Severn Bridge.

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Mystery second Bale bid was from Harold Thursday

Probably not worth a full pack of Quavers

Probably not worth a full pack of Quavers

It has emerged that the unnamed bidders hoping to rival Real Madrid for Gareth Bale’s signature were Nice ‘n’ Spicy Nik Naks Southern League Division Two club, Harold Thursday, who made an offer of £6.38 plus half a pack of Quavers.

The identity of the second club who have made a bid for Bale has not been officially announced by Tottenham but Manchester United have been linked with the player this summer. Speculation that the bid is from United would appear to be wide of the mark, however, with Harold Thursday confirming that it was their bid that Spurs are considering.
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