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Local school regrets sending children home with ‘Clandestine Affair Bear’


Could you love a little bear? No, not like that

St Mary’s Primary School’s ‘Billy the Bear’ will no longer be taken home each weekend by one of the children. Following some unusually candid electronic diary entries by the popular cuddly toy, Harold Headteacher Alison Lee has reluctantly put the cuffs on little Billy until further notice.

“We’re a broad church here at St Mary’s but we’ve grounded Billy until he gets some intensive remedial education. We are also worried about a possible identity crisis, because he always logs in as ‘Janice’. Ms Lee highlighted several recent ‘Billy’s Diary’ entries that caused concern, including:

‘Siobhan’s mum is a liar. I went in a helicopter did I? Bollocks. She put me in the recycling bin twice and then vomited on my fur. I’d report her to social services, but they never take bears seriously. Especially toy ones.’ Continue reading

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