Philae comforts itself pretending its a dishwasher in Surrey.
Philae, a probe that lays abandoned on a comet, has woken up drenched in sweat and feeling clammy.
After screaming itself to sleep just over 7 months ago, the lander awoke to find that it wasn’t all just a dream.
“Now that the batteries are charged, Philae can talk to us again”, said Hans Beckendorf of the European Space Agency. “And the first thing it said was ‘Fking fk fk, where the fking f**k am I?’.”
“It turns out that in space, someone can hear you scream.”
There must be somewhere around here I can get some peace
The Philae comet lander has revealed that the reason it missed its intended landing site and is now tucked under a rock somewhere is that it is trying to escape news of Kim Kardashian.
Philae got to the comet after a 10-year, 6.4 billion-km journey, but is now shielded by rocks from the light that would recharge its batteries and is not expected to be operational for much longer. This means that it will no longer have to hear any tedious updates about Kim, or see pictures of her massive ass. Continue reading