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McDonald’s to replace ketchup with orangutan blood

barrow of apes

Urangutans are delivered to ape rendering plant using low carbon transport

Following the discovery that Heinz ketchup doesn’t have any affect on rain forests, McDonald’s has announced it will phase the condiment out in favour of orangutan blood.

McDonald’s restaurants have served Heinz ketchup for over 40 years, despite the tomato-based product actually tasting of something. But now Heinz has realigned the product by popping it in the bin, and using something more typically bland that you don’t want to think about where it came from.

“Orangutans are the ideal source for orangutan blood and it’s a source that’s  sustainable, for at least as long as there are orangutans”, explained Nigel Manning, the company’s head of near-human resauces. “There have been a few teething problems with this natural product being a little bit too runny, but our food scientists are busy tackling that problem.”
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