Tag Archives: Big Bang

Scientists close to explaining Donald Trump

Do not adjust your TV set.

Do not adjust your TV set.

“For decades, scientists were unable to explain Black Holes,” said Professor Brian Cox, “especially the super massive ones, but then we solved it.  Well, Trump is like a super massive Orange Hole.  Metaphorically speaking.”

Various tests have been run at CERN and lots of scientists have been writing long equations on multiple backboards, working at the very edge of reality.

“Of course we already know that Donald Trump does not exist in the normal sense of the word,” said the Professor, “but that alone may not stop him becoming President.  The current hypothesis is that he is somehow the product of the collective American Mind.”

“But we’re not quite sure yet whether to describe him as a figment of the imagination or a pigment of the imagination.” Continue reading

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Big Sneeze Theory: local cosmologist ‘in with a shout for a Nobel’

Cosmic Microwave Background.  Now wash your hands.

Cosmic Microwave Background. Now wash your hands.

The beginning of the Universe has always perplexed the human mind.

But new findings by some of the most powerful telescopes in the world have given credence to the Big Sneeze Theory first propounded by Harold cosmologist Alec Fairchild ten years ago in the Squirrel Lickers’ Arms.

‘Professor’ Fairchild, as he’s known locally, has put in his claim for a Nobel Prize, supported by Eddie, landlord of the SLA.  “I remember it well,” Eddie told the Evening Harold, “he was expounding his sneezing theory left, right and centre.  In the end, I had to ask him to leave to prevent a flu epidemic.”

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Filed under Around Harold, Intergalactic News, science