Scientists close to explaining Donald Trump

Do not adjust your TV set.

Do not adjust your TV set.

“For decades, scientists were unable to explain Black Holes,” said Professor Brian Cox, “especially the super massive ones, but then we solved it.  Well, Trump is like a super massive Orange Hole.  Metaphorically speaking.”

Various tests have been run at CERN and lots of scientists have been writing long equations on multiple backboards, working at the very edge of reality.

“Of course we already know that Donald Trump does not exist in the normal sense of the word,” said the Professor, “but that alone may not stop him becoming President.  The current hypothesis is that he is somehow the product of the collective American Mind.”

“But we’re not quite sure yet whether to describe him as a figment of the imagination or a pigment of the imagination.”

Scientists say that for Trump to be real, there would have to have been a serious aberration in the Laws of Physics shortly after the Big Bang.  But if that were the case, the Universe could not have come into being.

When the problem was run through a computer, the answer came back: “Democracy slept with his own sister and they spawned a hideously deformed caricature of a cartoon President of the American Dream.  He looks like you’re watching him on a 1970s Radio Rentals colour TV.  In all likelihood, the dream will turn into a nightmare and then they’ll wake up screaming.  END<”

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