Car crashes distance themselves from Theresa May’s government

‘Look out, May’s about!” Anyone else hearing a screech of brakes and tyres?

A spokesman for Britain’s car crashes has objected to them being linked to Mrs May’s government, claiming that the comparisons are unfairly bringing car crashes into disrepute.

“It’s just lazy journalism.” said Jeff Trundle “Why not use plane crash, war zone, or a zombie apocalypse? All much more apt but no. Car crash is all we ever read about, just after Theresa May gets out of bed each morning and starts working her way through that day’s list of cock ups.”

“What is often overlooked,” Mr Trundle continued, “is the economic benefit of car crashes. More work for panel beaters, mechanics, osteopaths, and in the best cases funeral directors. Actually, now I think about it,  if you’re talking of Universal Credit, there is some overlap with that last one. Plus you can buy insurance to cover car crashes.”

On behalf of his members Trundle rejected suggestions that he make a formal complaint to the Independent Press Standards Organisation, pointing out that very few major titles have signed up to it.

“As far as having any real impact on the press is concerned, IPSO’s efforts are a complete train wreck. Oh bugger ….”