IDS: ‘leaked Brexit reports don’t include value of unicorn sh*t’

I was right, tens of thousands died

Fierce self-flagellator Iain Duncan Smith says findings in a leaked government report are flawed, as they don’t factor in revenues from unicorn shit, which will form the basis of a vibrant post-brexit economy.

Duncan Smith was responding to leaked government reports which suggest the UK economy will be wrecked by Brexit “All government forecasts are inaccurate” chuckled the former Tory leader “I read lots which said thousands would die as a result of my reforms at DWP but I knew they were wrong. And I was proved right, tens of thousands died. Admittedly, it might have been more but I think you’ll agree – not a bad start.”

Duncan Smith says people should stop trusting negative forecasts, based on extrapolations from actual existing data and start trusting forecasts based on the wishes, hopes, and dreams of serial liars like him, Liam Fox, and Boris Johnson.

“Trust me, I’ve been selling bullshit all of my adult life” said a bullish Duncan Smith “so I really do know what I’m talking about”.